From Disrespect to Self-Respect
For as long as I can remember, I lived with a feeling of being disrespected.
I cannot trace its beginning. I only know it was there, somewhere deep within me. It quietly influenced my life, behavior, and decisions.
In hindsight, much of my life has been shaped by an attempt to resolve that one feeling.
Earning Respect
At some point, I came to believe the solution was simple: earn more, be productive, be respected.
And that was indeed true. When I was productive and financially stable, society respected me.
But I also realized an uncomfortable truth — that respect was conditional. If I earned and succeeded, I was respected. If I didn’t, I became almost invisible.
That kind of respect wasn’t for this person. It was for this person’s utility.
Still, achievement gave me something invaluable: self-confidence and self-reliance. I knew I could stand on my own feet when needed.
Searching for Respect
But self-confidence and self-reliance, powerful as they are, are not the same as respect. So the search evolved.
If money were not enough, perhaps changing myself would be. I began working on myself relentlessly — refining skills, improving habits, rewiring thought patterns.
But that, too, proved conditional. Hardly anyone cared about my internal growth. Some were indifferent, and worse, some felt threatened or irritated by change.
Ironically, the more I improved, the more resistance I faced.
Yet growth gave me something meaningful — the fulfillment of self-improvement.
Seeking Respect
But self-confidence, self-reliance, and self-improvement — as life-changing as they were — still did not bring respect. So the seeking continued.
Maybe spiritual growth was the answer — renunciation and monastic discipline. And I began working toward that.
At one point, I lived among monks for over forty days. I observed closely, and the illusion dissolved. Even those in robes, the majority of them, were also seeking respect.
Nonetheless, pursuing spiritual growth gave me something essential — the joy of self-transformation.
Finding Respect
By then, I had worked for:
- Self-confidence
- Self-reliance
- Self-improvement
- Self-transformation
Somewhere in that process, life changed. I was operating closer to my full potential, inside and out.
That brought a calm steadiness, a sense of self-alignment. And along with it, something else arrived — self-respect.
Lo and behold! When self-respect sprouted, the world’s disrespect began to feel like morning dew on leaves. It came, lingered briefly, and disappeared without consequence.
And that, perhaps, is the real spiritual journey; what I call my own inner orientation.
The day you truly feel self-respect, you experience the greatest inner peace — the freedom to appreciate the self, despite.
